in the weeds

confessions of an insomniac

So, this is my third night in a row getting little to no sleep. I must say that I am becoming quite tired of it (pun intended). I have yet to determine the cause of my recent slumber-deprived state, but I thought that writing about it might assist me in getting to the root of the problem... I am now approaching the end of my third week at my father's house, a new chapter of life in an old, familiar place. It is not easy living at "home," particularly in my mother's absence, but I feel a strong sense of obligation and necessity to be here. To be completely honest, everyone in my family (including me) is broken in some way, and I believe that our wounds might best be healed together. It is quite possible that I am completely wrong in thinking this but, for better or for worse, I am here now and will be staying for a bit. I am finding, however, that there is so much to do and I feel helpless to do it all in the time I would like. You see, my dear, I am impatient to the hilt and frightfully restless (these things I think you already know) and I do not quite know what to do. After a brutal year of graduate school, I am utterly exhausted and want to do nothing but soak up the sun and read the novels that were collecting dust on my shelves as I was scouring over countless pages in educational journals. And yet, my restive soul aches for adventure, for travels to faraway places and lovers' kisses and foreign food, for meaning and excitement and experience... but every day I wake up and feel the weight of all that is to be done here: the empty bank account that desperately needs replenishing; the house that needs tending; the projects that need completing; the hearts that need mending... And so, every night I find myself reluctantly trudging to bed, trying to feel satisfied with the day's meager accomplishments but finding it nearly impossible to do so. I lie awake with anxious thoughts of time lost and tasks unfinished. It is quite troubling, to tell the truth. Some peace of mind would be heavenly. Any suggestions?