it keeps you running.

Motivation.  That's what I am wondering about today.  Yesterday afternoon, the recreational frisbee team I coach lost a scrimmage to a team we easily could have defeated.  The reason?  Heart.  Energy.  Motivation.  While our skills equally matched and most likely exceeded those of the opposing team, their tenacity and determination greatly outmatched ours and led them to victory.  It was extremely frustrating to watch and it made me wonder: what motivates us?  What pushes some people to work harder than others?  To want things more?

In class, we recently had our students analyze Jimmy Carter's 1975 speech on the "crisis of confidence."  In the address, he talks about the lack of heart and spirit that threatened to destroy the very fabric of America.  This lack of faith came after a series of blows to the United States: the assassinations of John and Bobby Kennedy, Dr. King and Malcolm X; the agony of the Vietnam War; the corruption of Watergate.  President Carter believed that these wounds struck the very heart of America and left the people searching for meaning outside of traditional American values, namely through consumerism.  Change, Carter argued, required a renewal of faith, a restoration of pride and determination coming from the American people themselves.  Unfortunately for Carter (my favorite American president), the people did not believe that he was the one who could bring about such change.  Rather than accountability and responsibility, it was the enthusiasm, energy, and patriotism of Reagan that would restore American confidence, a strong leader who could motivate his people.  But is that really what drives human motivation - leaders?  Are we really just a flock, mindlessly following our shepherd?  What if we want to be our own leaders?  How do we motivate ourselves?

This time of year, I always start to feel a nagging sense of malaise.  Despite the fact that summer is rapidly approaching, I feel overwhelmed, tired, and incredibly unmotivated.  Though disappointed at the increasing apathy of my students, I understand their lack of energy and interest because I, too, have grown a bit cranky.  So, how can I get that extra surge of energy to finish out the school year on a high note?  Where is that burst of enthusiasm I need to accomplish the tasks that lie before me?  I am searching for answers.

What motivates you?

stone barns.

As part of our Memorial Day weekend adventure-seeking extravaganza, Doug and I headed over the bridge to Tarrytown to check out the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture.  It was our first trip of what I can guarantee will be many... I loved it!  The purpose of our visit was to scope out the upcoming program selection while enjoying a sunny day outside together; I'd say: mission accomplished.  We spent the afternoon admiring the grounds, tasting the produce (there are a café and a restaurant on site that use food from the farm), and laughing at silly pigs - what better way to pass a lazy Sunday? :)    

It has been a secret (okay, maybe not-so-secret) dream of mine to live on a farm when I "grow up".  Ever since I can remember, nature has fascinated me, and I have craved opportunities to take part in its growth and preservation.  If you have been following me for a while now, you've probably noted that I am an advocate of organic foods, sustainable agriculture, and renewable energy.  Over the years, I have been able to participate in some fantastic programs that promote nutritional and environmental consciousness, like the Urban Nutrition Initiative's high school gardening program in Philadelphia and beekeeping classes through Cornell Cooperative Extension.  I am always looking for new ways to learn and contribute.  When I saw the flyer for Stone Barns at my local Whole Foods, I knew I had to check it out.  The Stone Barns Center is a non-profit local farm that offers programs to increase awareness about responsible agriculture, while educating the public to be mindful producers and consumers (check out the Stone Barns mission statement on their website).  I am hoping to find some workshops to squeeze into my schedule this summer.  The state of agriculture in this country is not something to be ignored - for anyone who is interested, there are some great documentaries out there if you're looking to get hip to the movement (check out: Food, Inc.; The Future of Food; Fresh).  Happy viewing!

The grounds had some beautiful buildings, with lovely wild roses and herbs decking every corner... it was like walking around in a fantasy.  I am continuously restless and impatient for the day that I will have my own little plot of land to develop and share with others.  For now, a girl can dream :)

into the wild.

Happy Memorial Day everyone!  This weekend was soooo wonderful.  On Saturday, Doug and I headed west to the Delaware Water Gap for an invigorating climb up Mount Tammany.  Doug has made the hike a few times with his friends but this was my first go at the mountain.  I have to say: it kicked my bum, but it was awesome!!  As we drove toward the NJ/PA border, black storm clouds started rolling overhead and we were afraid that our plans would be canceled, but we decided to go up anyway.  I am so glad we did; though it rained for the majority of our climb up and down Mt. Tammany, the water was refreshing and calming on a hot, strenuous day, and the views were absolutely incredible.  Unfortunately, the inclement weather meant that my precious Nikon had to remain indoors, but I still caught a few nice shots (with Doug's help, of course).  I cannot wait to go hiking again!

Tired feet after a long climb, cloud swells between Tammany and Minsi, and a few feathered friends drying off after the long showers.

friday for foodies.

Tonight Doug and I decided to "indulge" a little.  Back when I set my goals for May (see: here) we both made a commitment to eating healthier.  We are currently on a short term low-carb diet while we try to get fit for the summer.  We are definitely seeing results but the food routine has gotten a bit drab and redundant. To mix up the daily grind, we headed to the Rice Shop in Hoboken for some miso soup and sashimi.  It was a mini-celebration of eight months together, and a nice way to feel like we were splurging while sticking to our diet.  Yum!

Tomorrow we are headed to the Delaware Water Gap for a rigorous hike and hopefully some nice photographs.  Sunday, we plan on heading to Stone Barns for some farm-fresh produce and information on summer farming workshops.  I cannot wait!  What are you doing for the holiday weekend?

glimpses.

Summer is coming and I cannot wait!!  I am desperate for some more free time.  Lately, Doug and I have been filling it up with weekends at our favorite coffee shop in Haddonfield, Jersey Java, where I attempt to squeeze in some blog posts when I can.  I have been swamped at work and desperately counting down the days until vacation.  I am so excited for all of the outdoor explorations we have planned for the summer, most notably a trip to Oregon in August.  Hiking, flowers (these are some beautiful peonies - my favorite - on sale at Whole Foods), fresh air... hurry up!

we can do it?

As a social studies teacher, I get to address some pretty interesting, controversial, and all-around awesome topics in my classroom.  In my sociology course, we just began our unit on gender and sexuality.  This is my first time teaching the course, hence my first time approaching this topic, and I have been counting down to it all year.  I am very interested in gender studies and have become even more intrigued as I have served on a statewide committee for women in education.  I am planning on leading a faculty seminar on women's issues this spring and have been looking forward to sharing and discussing this topic with my students. To my dismay: they just do not seem to care, at least not yet (cue violins). 

There is no doubt that we have "come a long way (baby?)" and should be proud of the advances made by women in America and around the world.  Through both individual and collective efforts, women have made gains politically, economically, and socially, especially since the 1950s.  Can you even imagine living in a society where women cannot vote?  Where they are not allowed to hold political office or seek higher education?  In so many ways I am fortunate to have been born when and where I was.  Thank you, Alice Paul.  Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt.  Thank you, Betty Friedan.  But I think that sometimes we get caught lingering in the glow of our accomplishments, and quickly forget that there is still much to consider and much to be done.

I'm really disappointed when people mistakenly associate the word "feminist" with male-bashing women who are trying to "destroy the family" or take over the world.  Not to say that after many years of falling victim to perpetual sexual harassment and even a few devastating instances of sexual assault (all while navigating through a world where pornography and air-brushed media are the "norm") that I don't occasionally find myself frustrated with some imaginary, collective group of "men."  But that's not what feminism is.  It's not anti-masculine, it's not anti-family, and it is not something that should be dismissed.  It is about wanting equality, wanting opportunities, and wanting to be viewed as an individual, a human being with talents, rights, and value.  It's about wanting to pursue whatever course you want, without unnecessary roadblocks, resistance, or criticism.  We're told as youngsters that we should dream big, that we can become anything we want.  What they don't tell us, is that following those dreams might mean sacrificing others, or dealing with unexpected obstacles.  As the oldest of five children, I have always been an assertive leader, but I am finding that my leadership isn't respected in many situations.  Even in my career, I am frequently told by students and colleagues alike that it is hard to take a woman seriously as an authority figure.  It has been suggested that I act more "bitchy" or be less "warm" or "cute" if I want people to listen to me.  What message is this really sending?  Are leadership and femininity conflicting terms?  How can I find fulfillment in a role where people do not take me seriously just the way I am?

Sometimes I think that women experience extra pressure for choosing one path and sticking to it.  Are you going to dedicate your life to the family and home or to a career?  Well, what if you want to do both?  What if you want to do EVERYTHING?!  I do not believe our society truly allows for this.  Despite the fact that we still seem to value women most for their sexual and nurturing capabilities, it does not even seem like we give most women the option to be stay-at-home moms anymore.  The only viable options I see for a woman who wants to stay at home with her family is to forego college and hope someone will marry her (or that she's mature enough to know who the "right" person is at such a tender age) or to go ahead and continue her education but be lucky enough to have parents who can pay for it, earn substantial scholarships, or marry someone "rich" enough so she does not have to work a full-time job to pay off her loans.  I have never been someone to sit back and wait around for things to happen, so I got busy doing the things I had dreamed of: college, grad school, traveling... and loved every minute of it.  I have always dreamt of raising a family on my own terms, but that is a dream that requires the participation, love, and commitment of someone else - it's not something you just wait around for.  Now that I am with someone who I know is right for me, the thought of creating and caring for a family crosses my mind on a regular basis, but lately, that dream has felt hopeless.  I am a strong, intelligent young woman and foregoing an education was never an option for me - but does being an educated woman, now saddled with significant debt, mean I will never get the family life I've always wanted?  Was that really something I was expected to figure out when I was eighteen?

So, if we can't be taken seriously in our careers, and if staying home with our family means we may have to give up academic dreams or other personal pursuits, what does this country REALLY want from its women?  I've been thinking about this a lot, especially since my return from Scotland, where a college education is considered an educational right, not a privilege or a sacrifice.  Shouldn't we be promoting a society where individuals can pursue ALL of their dreams, not just pick one?  I don't know.  Sorry, reader, for bombarding you with this complex, confusing assortment of cerebral emanations but I am continually deprived of much-needed intellectual conversation.  While I am still probing my brain for ways I can interest my students on these topics, I decided to use you as my current outlet of frustration.  I think this post is a conglomeration of the inner turmoil I am experiencing over seemingly-insurmountable student loans, apathetic students unfazed by the exploitation of women, and a rapidly approaching 27th birthday (when I have yet to save the world, as planned).  So many things to do, so little time, so little money... where do we go from here?

My gram, working at an army base as a teenager during World War II

My own Rosie the Riveter :)

makeover may.

So, while I am at home sick in bed with a fever and a nose running like a faucet, I figured I would update you on all the exciting things I have going on this May.  If you hadn't already guessed after a quick glance at the title, I have deemed May "makeover month."  This means that the next thirty-one days (or whatever's left) are going to be dedicated to all around self-improvement and betterment.  I think I have made some small strides since the New Year, but it's time to kick it up a notch.  May brings warmer weather, a bit more free time, and a flowery, fresh smell in the air that is just, well, inspiring.  I am happier in the springtime and I think its time to dedicate that extra smidgen of energy and enthusiasm to something productive.  Here is my current (ever-accumulating) May to-do list:

1. finish a few long-put off home projects (I am currently working on some pillow cases)
2. lose those last pesky few pounds (summer is coming - eek!)
3. read a book (easier said than done when constantly bombarded with papers to grade)
4. spend more time outdoors (Doug and I plan on going hiking this very weekend!)
5. drink more water (guilty confession: I am constantly under-hydrated)

What's on your to-do list?  Any makeover plans for your life?
I'm hoping that the end of this month will leave me a tad-bit slimmer, more learned, and more at peace with myself and the world.  For now, this ambitious girl's first goal is to recover from whatever nasty bug has caught hold of me.  Here's to a few solid days of hot tea and extra vitamin c!