Have you ever noticed how quickly things can turn from good (great, even) to absolutely horrible? The past few days have been quite exemplary of this. Everything seems to go wrong all at once - the key word in that statement being "seems." To be frank, I have nothing to complain about. I have seen real suffering and my situation does not even compare - death and disease will do that to you. Now, if only I could see thestrals!! (Sorry, had to throw that in there. If you're a Harry Potter fan, you'll understand.) Anyway, everything does feel like it all falls apart at the same time, doesn't it?
It has just been one of "those" days. School work, student teaching, body image, loneliness... everything seems to come crashing down simultaneously. Something really threw me off this weekend. My angelic sister came to visit me and we had a lovely time. The minute she left, though, I felt... I don't know. Vulnerable. Then something, someone, came in for the kill. Well, that is not entirely accurate; I let them in for the kill, and they just took full advantage. The days following were a disaster. I could not sleep, could not concentrate - I wish I could say that I could not eat, but that wasn't the case. But daily tasks seemed overwhelming, mountainous. It is funny how quickly we give up on ourselves. Life is strange that way, but I am slowly learning how to put it all into perspective. Not to say that I do not still have my days where I fall to pieces. Believe me, I do. I would not be writing this if I thought myself to be invincible. I am just learning how to pick myself up and put all of the pieces back together at a much quicker, more efficient pace.
The original purpose of this blog was to encourage my own life experience and exploration of the world, to remind me to take on adventure and seize the day. I realize now that it has become a log of positivity as well, a way to remind myself how precious life is and how little cause I have to complain. I am blessed with supporters, with opportunities, and even just the fundamental (yet oft-overlooked) gift of life. I hope the optimism isn't overkill. I would hate to give the impression that I am forever cheerful. Quite the opposite in fact. I have my dark days, some maybe darker than you have ever experienced. I get angry, overwhelmed, frustrated, lonely, confused, self-loathing, depressed... just like anyone, maybe worse. But I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, as I witness so many Americans, so many people, doing. When I put things into perspective, when I think about the real pain and suffering that exists in the world, I realize how self-centered and ungrateful I can be, and I make myself sick. I apologize for this lapse in reason, in focus. While I cannot promise that it will never do it again, I can say that I intend to try, and this blog helps serve as a little reminder to me. I hope it will remind you, too.
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