a grateful heart.

Sometimes, there are those days when all I want to do is sit there and feel sorry for myself.  Maybe I did not get something I "deserve"; maybe I am focused on all the things I am not but want to be, or am and wish I weren't.  I would be a terrible liar if I said there are not times when I indulge myself in a little bit of self-pity.  We humans really know how to whine, do we not?  In a misguided world that tells us we need to be thinner, richer, sexier, smarter, better before we can be happy, it is easy to get caught up in the disappointment of our lives and our selves.  I am as guilty as the next.  That is why I feel it is so important to take time to remember how fortunate I truly am, to practice gratitude.  There are many things that I do not have and many things that I am not, but the list of deficiencies does not even compare to the overwhelming number of wonderful blessings that have graced my life.

So, tonight, I am thankful for you, Mother.  I am thankful that you demonstrated, incessantly, the value of hard work and perseverance.  Your authenticity and your lack of pretense were always (and always will be) an inspiration to me.  Your ability to reflect, challenge yourself, and grow, is a quality I am so happy to see budding in myself.  When I listen to people talk about you and hear their joy, love, and pride in your memory, I am in complete awe.  I am so grateful for the time we spent together and that I have the privilege of calling myself your daughter.

I am thankful for you, Douglas.  The forgiving, patient love that you provide is utterly nonplussing.  I will never, could never, get over the way you accept me for exactly who I am, despite my innumerable shortcomings.  You excite, delight, amaze, comfort, and challenge me on end.  For someone who has always been skeptical of the idea of "soul mates," I cannot deny the overwhelming sensation that there is so much meaning, so much purpose in the two of us being together.  I am grateful for the man that you are and for the woman that you are inspiring me to be.

I am thankful for you, family, who have never ceased to make me smile.  In defiance of our quirks, our myriad personalities, you stick together and reach out helping hands when needed.  You make me laugh the heartiest, truest laughs I have ever roared, the kind that make your ribs ache and salty streams pour from your eyes.  I know that I, personally, feel continual support and encouragement from my kindred.  I am grateful for the family members that I have, the ones I have lost, and the ones yet to come.

And I am thankful for you, friends, who always willingly listen to my musings and dreams and complaints regardless of my redundant and rambling nature.  You cheer me on when I need it the most and are always there waiting, even when I need to wander off on my own for a little while.  For someone who never really made that core circle of friends in school, I am grateful for the friends I do have, old and new, far and near, who offer their love from all over the globe.

So, despite my ever-dwindling monetary funds, my constant mistakes, my pangs of fear, and my lack of focus, really, I have so much.  To quote the late John Lennon, when you really think about it, "all you need is love," and I guess that means that I am doing just fine.