what the dickens?!

Let the Christmas festivities begin! This weekend, amidst the chaos and routine of my usual school work, I had the pleasure of enjoying some amazing holiday activities with some of the very best people on earth. I have not had the chance to go on any "adventures" as of late, with all of the tenure-year responsibilities and tutoring. I have been crunched for money and am spending every extra minute I can get trying to earn some much-needed cash for the holidays, while Douglas is busy cramming for finals. When my cousin told me about the Christmas "Dickens Festival" being held in my beloved old home, Narberth, I refused to pass up the opportunity to participate in some holiday cheer... even if it meant I would be paying for it later. My Saturday kicked off with a trip to green eggs café in Philadelphia for some delicious breakfast with my beautiful friend, Theresa. I enjoyed some tasty salmon eggs benedict, which literally left me satisfied the entire day, and Theresa ate a decadent plate of crème brûlée french toast. Crème brûlée is my favorite dessert so, being the sweetheart she is, of course she let me sample some. Om nom nom!! Everything was so good.

After we stuffed ourselves silly and caught up over coffee, she was off to a bridesmaids' fitting for her wedding while I headed to the quaint little village of Narberth, my grad-school stomping grounds, to meet up with my cousin, Robert. Every year, Narberth holds a Charles Dickens festival, where the whole downtown area is transformed into a scene from A Christmas Carol. It is really magical! The town hires actors to portray different characters, whom the children can hunt down as part of a scavenger hunt. Local bars sell hot toddies and churches give out free home-baked goodies. It was so lovely to walk the streets of my old home, visit my cousin and his wonderful wife, and scope out the festivities. My only disappointment was that Douglas could not make it. I cannot wait to bring him next year!

My family has been gearing up for our annual holiday traditions - decorating the tree, listening to my mother's favorite Christmas music, and last minute holiday shopping. By "gearing up," I mean that I am sending them constant reminders about all of the things I have planned for them to do :) I love this time of year. What does your family do during the holiday season?

diary of a twenty-something teacher, part ii

Yesterday afternoon, I had my second of three formal observations for my tenure year at the high school where I work. My final observation is scheduled for this Tuesday. They are not typically so close together, but everyone is feeling crunched for time before the holidays and is attempting to squeeze things in while they can. On one hand, having my last observations back to back is nice, because I am getting them all out of the way in the fall semester instead of waiting until the spring to know where I stand. On the other hand, I am a ball of stress! So much planning, so much worrying. It is all usually for naught, since I have never actually had an observation go poorly, but I am generally anxious anyway.

Yesterday's observation was with the superintendent and, in general, it went well. There is always room for improvement, so I welcome constructive feedback, and I am interested to see what he has to say. The kids were well behaved, the lesson was one of my solid stations activities focused around the Harlem Renaissance, and the timing worked out perfectly. I am so glad to be done with it. On to the next one! Gulp. I am curious to see what other go-to lesson plan ideas teachers use for observations. I always welcome new ideas/skills for my teacher "toolbox." Thoughts?

Me being a nervous nelly right before the superintendent arrived.

bittersweet.

The Christmas season is by far one of my favorite times of year, though it hardly comes easily. As many of you may know, my mother passed away one week before Christmas and the holidays are always slightly tainted by her absence. I do not think this is something that will ever go away but it is something I am learning to cope with, little by little. It is this time of year that I remember the snowy ride on the Chinatown bus from Boston to New York, not knowing what I was coming home to. I remember making plans to decorate her room at Greenwich hospital to try to bring some holiday cheer to her suffering, and not getting a chance to see those plans through because she was gone less than 36 hours after my arrival. I remember watching her pass away in pain and tears and fear, rather than in courage and peace and dignity, like everyone likes to pretend. Those memories are hard... but I am not someone to deny myself a good cry, so I let them come. And cry I do. And then I remember my mother dancing around the living room to "One Swinging Christmas." I remember her coming home late on Christmas Eve after working with her friend Heather only to stay up until ungodly hours wrapping presents at the last minute. I remember her signing us up to do a family rendition of "Away in a Manger" at church, much to my father and sister's chagrin, and fighting back laughter at how awful we sounded. I remember her in her long white nightgown, her sleepy voice oohing and ahhing as I opened my presents as a toddler, my dad nearby with the camcorder. I remember the voluptuous, slightly inappropriate snow-ladies she used to make in our front lawn. I remember the good things: the funny things, the heartwarming things, the things that were just her.

I will miss you this Christmas, as I have every year since you left us, and will for the rest of my life. But thank you for always reminding me of the "reason for the season," as you used to say. Thank you for bringing warmth into our home every winter. Thank you for being my mother.

Such a cutie. We miss you, Mumma. Happy Christmas.

ten things: i want for christmas.

This year, my family has agreed on the fact that none of us have an overabundant supply of spending cash. As a result, we have all attempted to keep our Christmas list requests within a reasonable price range, i.e. no big-ticket items. Most of the things I asked for this holiday season were practical items that I need/want for my new apartment. But what is the internet for, if not for dreaming? In a much-needed escape from the real-world (think: two formal observations in a five-day span, department meetings galore, and shopping on a very tight budget) I decided to create my own little fantasy Christmas list. It was fun. Now, back to reality :) What are you dreaming about this Christmas?

1. Adobe Photoshop. I am really hoping to play around with some of my photography and editing techniques this year.
2. Singer sewing machine. Every time I work on a sewing project, I have to borrow my sister's machine. It is about time I had my own.
3. Gold men's watch. I have been wanting one for years. Why is it so hard to spoil ourselves?
4. Vintage bicycle. Who wouldn't want a set of wheels like this? Come back, summertime!
5. Leather boots. My brown boots bit the dust last summer and, with holes in the soles and threads popping out all over the place, my black ones are following close behind.
6. Frenchie pup. So, technically my apartment does not allow dogs, but my neighbor has one anyway - I would break the rules too if these cuties weren't so darn expensive (this is Iggy, ala pop pop portraits).
7. iPad. I love my MacBook, but I am really digging the stylus-capabilities of the tablet. Think of all the possibilities :)
8. KitchenAid stand mixer. Do I need it? Probably not, but I have been eying this slate gray bad-boy for quite awhile now.
9. A plane ticket. It has been way too long since Doug and I last got on an airplane. The travel bug strikes again!
10. The ring. Just kiddinggggg... I much prefer yellow gold ;)

glimpses.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here!

Road trips to visit family,

Our solitary Christmas ornament on my very first tree,

Old Pooh cookie stamps,

And good ol' Norman Rockwell. 

With the first presents of the season freshly purchased and a good house-cleaning session set to all the best Christmas tunes, I am officially in the holiday spirit. Let the countdown begin!

diary of a first-time juicer.

Ah, yes: food. How I have missed you.

I am proud to say I completed my first juice fast successfully, that is, with practically no cheating (damn, you, peanut butter!) and I am very happy with myself. As someone who feels like I am constantly on the run, it was such a relief being able to put certain parts of my life on "pause" while the rest of me continued with the going, going, going. I honestly cannot wait for my next attempt at juicing, and I have plans to revisit this experience over Christmas vacation. Winter break is one of the few times of the year I really get to re-boot amidst the chaos and stress that is being a non-tenured teacher. I am hoping Douglas will join me (please, oh please?!) for at least a few days of the cleanse. I will probably do five days again, and this time neither Doug nor I will have to worry about being stuck indoors with homework. I am actually contemplating the idea of dedicating every Sunday in December as a "juice" day. I have several friends who fast once a week and rave about it. I think it could be a great way to help me "reclaim" those Sundays that I want to spend reflecting and relaxing but always end up spending with errands, chores, and school work. Maybe this could be my own version of Advent.

For those of you considering a juice fast of your own, here is some feedback I hope will be useful to you:

1. You may feel a bit tired during your fast, but my suggestion is to keep busy. I don't know about you, but on days when my schedule is chock-full, particularly with things I actually LIKE to do, I find that I almost have to remind myself to eat. The hardest times for me were when I was stuck inside with mind-numbing tasks (grading research papers, anyone?) and my mind kept searching for distractions, most particularly food. I tend to snack when I am bored (one of my main diet foilers) and not being able to felt like torture at times. Again, it was not really hunger, but simply an overwhelming desire to put food in my mouth. If you decide to fast, try to schedule fun activities or focus on to-do list items you would really like to check off.

2. Plan ahead. Once I went back to work, I was not prepared with the proper amount of juice for my work day, and that was real trouble for me. I did fine during the morning and early afternoon, too busy with my lessons and other activities to think about a growling tummy... but the minute the school bell rang and the day was over, I was headed for disaster. If you cannot be at home during times you would normally snack or eat a meal, be sure you have a pre-made juice with you. I do not recommend trying to push through without food (unless you are doing a complete fast) because you will be much more vulnerable to temptations. My weak moments came during times I tried to extend myself too far and ended up reaching for the easiest nourishment possible.

3. If you cannot afford the BluePrint juices I mentioned in an earlier post but would like to find other pre-made raw juices you can use as back-ups for when you are not at home, I discovered that some Whole Foods markets offer freshly made juices and nut milks that are available at about a quarter of the price. Still more expensive than juicing at home, but a more affordable option for those who need something on the run. 

Those are just my two-cents from my first experience. I hope to become more familiar with juicing recipes, which I may share with you the next time around. 

A lot of good things are coming in December. Not only Christmas (hooray!!!) but in a few days I begin an East Asian history workshop at Princeton University with my friend Alison and I will be starting my yoga classes. I have plans to see my good friend Theresa soon (it has been too long) and will be done with my final two formal observations of the year. In a few short weeks, Douglas will officially have only one year left of school. I am so excited for what is coming next and I cannot wait to relax with him over Christmas break, celebrate another semester of hard work, and plan all of the exciting adventures he and I want to get into during his last year as a Rutgers student. I am so proud of him and so full of joy and dreams over what is to come. 

juice cleanse, day 4

Little juice experiment update: I am almost through day four and I caved and ate one (heaping) spoonful of all-natural peanut butter. I am trying not to let one little setback devastate me but I do feel a little guilty. Now, granted, I did successfully meet my three-day goal, but with my updated push for five days I still have just over 24 hours to go... I was interested to see how the fasting would go now that school is back in session and my response is so-so: on one hand, it was easier because I am frequently so busy at work I don't even have time to think about food. Most days I spend my lunch "hour" (40 minutes) nibbling on something while I lead a club meeting or help a student with work. So, I made it through the day surviving on my two pre-made juices... But on the other hand, trying to make it from our 11:00 AM lunch break and the conclusion of our department meeting at 4:30 was a disaster waiting to happen. Getting home, famished, at 5:00 with no juice prepared... enter peanut-butter. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day.

So, overall I did find it easier to feel comfortable on the cleanse while keeping busy at work. One of the hardest parts about being home and fasting, besides the boredom, is being around a partner who is NOT fasting. Watching Doug eat some of my favorite snacks, smelling his food while I prepared meals, staring at his glass of wine while we cuddled on the couch... torture! I would imagine this whole process would be easier if I had a juice buddy. Douglas said he might like to try a short juice cleanse like this over Christmas break, although I think he may have reconsidered after he caught a whiff of my leafy-kale beverage last night. I hope he will try it so we can do it together next time. Yes, I plan on there being a "next time."

My goal for this last day of fasting is to really take it all in and decide where I would like this whole experience to lead me next. How do you hit the "restart" button?

juice cleanse, day 3

So here I am, three days into my juice cleanse. Everything is still going pretty well. My energy level is up a little bit (I spent Day Two in bed, boy was I tired!) and my hunger levels are about the same. One thing that is really getting to me, however, is the boredom. I am realizing how much of my focus, entertainment, and pleasure are oriented around food. While I am not physically hungry I do feel my mind craving the excitement and fulfillment of eating. That is something I am trying to overcome. I know that I am providing my body with the nourishment it needs - my vitamin/mineral intake is substantial and my caloric intake is around 1,200 calories a day (not what I would need for weight maintenance but enough to keep me from going into starvation mode). It is really just the wonderful distraction and satisfaction that food gives that I find myself craving. It was not such a big deal while I was out and about running errands on Friday, but the past two days, spent indoors with only the unpleasant act of paper-grading to distract me, that I have found myself dreaming of food. I decided I want to extend the cleanse for two more days to up the effects. I am excited to see what happens.

Today's drink of choice was this blend of kale, green apple, and pineapple. Doug thought it was gross but I actually quite liked it, you just had to get over that "freshly-cut grass" aroma.

juice cleanse, day 1

Who is that crazy girl who has not eaten a single piece of solid food all day long? Oh yeah, it's me!

I am proud to say that today I successfully began my three-day cleanse. I decided to stick with my original intentions to pursue a juice fast (thank you, everyone, for your advice!) and have been solid-food for about twenty-four hours now. Of course, rebel and rule-breaker that I am, I did not follow any of the recommendations to ease into the cleanse and instead overindulged in stuffing, red wine, and cheesecake. Douglas and I went with my family to my cousin David's house in western New Jersey for a day of fun, food, and friendly competition. It was such a great time... we got to take a spin on my cousin's four-wheeler, catch up on good conversation and relive some old memories, and we even came victoriously out of a very long game of trivial pursuit. I have to say it was quite the evening.

With the late night we had and the obscene amounts of food and beverages we consumed (I was still full when I woke up this morning) I was sure that my stomach would be growling all day long. Surprisingly, though, my system has yet to receive the shock I was anticipating... I am not as hungry as I expected. Other than a bit of fatigue, which could be related to lack of sleep as easily as it could the caloric restriction, I am actually feeling quite good.

After doing some research and considering the advice I received, I opted to follow something similar to the BluePrint Cleanse. Though not following it to a tee, I am supplementing some of my own juices with raw (unpasteurized) juices offered through the company - you can order them through delivery but I got mine at Whole Foods. I cannot afford to purchase all of my juices and I do think there is an added benefit to freshly-squeezed juice, like enzyme potency, so I am preparing about half of my juices at home using Doug's family's juicer. So far, so good! I cannot say that it would not be nice to chew something right about now, but the hunger is seriously minimal. In addition to the fruit/veggie juices, the cleanse includes one fresh nut milk a day, which adds some substance and fiber to the regimen and helps provide a feeling of fullness. The caloric intake is not much lower than my usual routine, so it is really just the gratification of chewing something hearty that is missing. I do not want to speak to soon, but so far I like it. Without my normal preoccupations of purchasing, preparing, and consuming food (which I am finding takes up a substantial amount of my day) I have been able to focus on some areas of my life that need a little bit of attention and rehabilitation... precisely why I wanted to do this in the first place. I will let you know how it goes on Day Two!

happy thanksgiving!

Hoping your holiday was filled with laughter, love, libations, and lots of leftovers (mmm!) :)

clean sweep.

Is it just me, or do I already feel the "winter blues" coming on and it isn't even winter. Anyone else?

The holidays are a challenging time for my family and I. Two years ago, my precious Gram passed away on Thanksgiving morning. This December marks the fourth anniversary of my mother's death, just a week before Christmas. Holiday cheer is mixed with bittersweet memories, tears, and the encroaching feeling of emptiness. I already feel myself losing momentum, spending extra hours in bed, my eyes puffy from the lingering saline... I also feel myself losing the energy and inspiration to write. My Douglas, sweet man that he is, softly and cautiously brought up the fact that there seems to be a recurring motif in my blog as of late - and not in a good way. I could not agree more. I seem to be stuck in this redundant cycle of anxiety-ridden inactivity and frenzied goal-setting. One day I am completely overwhelmed with all there is to do and the next I am promising to get back on the wagon and conquer my dreams. I am sure you have noticed it, too, my dear reader. One moment I am lamenting all there is to do, the never-ending deficiency of time, and the next I am trying to reclaim my spirit, determined to forge ahead. This time of year, however, I end up doing a lot more faltering than forging...

So here I am (yet again) attempting to regroup and recapture that joie de vivre that I continually find myself lacking. I want to feel good, inside and out, I want to set off on those adventures that I dream of day in and day out. I want to rebuild the relationships that I see struggling to survive. I want to wake up and feel energetic instead of defensive against that dread that seems to rise in my stomach for absolutely no reason at all. I need to do some serious "spring cleaning," so to speak, even though it is November. My physical, emotional, and spiritual self just needs a fresh start. Is anyone else ready for this year to be over?

I have decided, as a result, to try a short fast over this upcoming holiday break as a physiological attempt to practice this "out with the old, in with the new" mentality. I have never fasted for more than one day, so my commitment to a three-day fast is a bit intimidating/invigorating/exciting/unnerving. I have yet to settle on a specific fast, so I am looking for some feedback. My father is a big fan of the "lemonade cleanse," but I do not know if I want to bombard my bloodstream with maple syrup and I think I might get tired of the same drink for 72 hours straight. My inclination was to try a raw juice cleanse, so that I can give myself a little bit of nourishment and variety while I give my digestive system a break. Of course, I will be engorging myself with the delicious turkey my cousin is preparing for the holiday, so juicing will allow me to transition into the fast instead of simply going cold turkey after the Thanksgiving binge (pun intended). Does anyone have any tips of the trade they would like to offer? Any fasts/cleanses you would recommend? I am all ears. I know not everyone supports the idea of fasting, but I have a strong interest in alternative medicine and I have several family members and friends who have had great results from cleansing, so try to keep your feedback positive :)

In the spirit of cleansing, I also forced myself to put my Christmas shopping on hold for a little while so that I can take care of my own needs. I purchased a five-class package from my local Bikram yoga studio so that I can bathe in the sweaty glory that is hot yoga. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was able to receive a promotional trial at the studio for one week of Bikram classes but failed to follow up with my reaction. Despite the pounding heart rate and intense perspiration (really, even after playing soccer and frisbee in the summer heat, I have never sweat this much in my life!) I have to say that I absolutely LOVED hot yoga. I felt so fresh and healthy after an hour-long class, it was incredible. Not so incredible, however, was the cost of the classes. Averaging between $20-25 per class, the classes are definitely a strain on my budget. At this point, however, I believe that it is something I really want to do for my overall wellbeing, so I thought the five-class package would be a nice treat for myself, with one class per week to take me into the new year.

This Thanksgiving, I am especially thankful for forgiveness. It is incredibly humbling to know that I can slip up as often as I do and still be sure there is firm ground beneath me when I am ready to stand up again. Thank you for being there, despite the constant setbacks, despite the failure and the redundancy, despite the winter blues. I won't forget it.

where did the warmth go?

Today I am lamenting the loss of sunlight and warmth. Everything has gotten so dark and frosty so quickly, too quickly, and I am aching for days spent lying in the grass with sun-kissed skin, for more daylight hours and time spent outdoors. It isn't that I do not love the winter - I do. I adore the snow and hot cocoa and fuzzy slippers and the excuse to eat warm apple pie and pack on a few extra pounds. But the bleakness has come too hastily, and I am longing for the freedom and adventure and romance of summer.
There are some battles being fought here on the home front. I appreciate your patience while I make my way through the cold and dark... I hope I will have some warmth to share with you soon.

diary of a twenty-something teacher, part 1

What a day. In my fast-paced, never ending to-do list of a life I already feel strapped for time, but since we set the clocks back one hour I feel like I am absolutely scrambling to get things done before bedtime. The sky was practically pitch-black when I walked out of my tutoring appointment at 5:00 this evening. I know I say it over and over and over again, but seriously - where does the time go?!

Today was a typical Wednesday for this young lady: out of bed by six to scarf down some breakfast and throw on some clothes (no, I did not shower this morning - what of it?) and race to school with coffee in hand, usually spilling a little on my clothes. Lucky for me, our class rotation was not one of my "busy" days, so I had time to be bombarded with teenagers looking for help on term papers that are due on Friday. Term paper season is not the most wonderful time of the year. I look forward to its conclusion and the start of Christmas music, hot cocoa, and shopping for gifts... If anyone out there thinks that teachers have an "easy" job, with the shorter hours and summers off, I will be more than happy to set you straight. For the last few weeks, I have been living and breathing research papers: consulting with students, editing drafts, grading outlines, and responding to emails sent at 2 a.m. from children panicking about not meeting deadlines or not knowing how to properly insert footnotes. That is on top of the lesson planning and homework/test/project grading that I already do outside of school. That is on top of the three clubs I run and the extra paperwork I have to fill out to meet new state evaluation requirements and contract negotiations. That is on top of the union meetings I attend nearly every week and the tutoring I do on the side just to make ends meet. That is on top of the professional development courses I take to stay on top of my game and to meet state PD requirements. That is on top of the countless other things I could name, but I think you get the point. And in the summer, do not forget the teacher workshops I attend and extra work I do to help pay the bills when school isn't in session, or the lesson planning I have to do for the new course preparation I seem to receive every year. Phew!! I promise that I am not complaining, just patting myself on the back. Good job, me! It is a good thing this is what I signed up for, otherwise I am not sure I could handle a list like this (and I am someone who LOVES lists). Good luck to all you fellow worker bees out there. 

Tomorrow, I start working on that bucket list.

out of darkness.

This is a photo I took during a slightly darker period in my life. To me, a kitchen is a space for creating and nurturing; it is where I feel at home, providing nourishment for and offering comfort to the ones I love... how appropriate that it would leave me feeling so empty at that particular moment in time. I am very glad to be where I am now, surrounded by the love and support of my friends and family. I do have to say, however, that pain can be a major source of artistic inspiration. I have felt a bit lackluster lately, craving an inkling of nuance or innovation that can bring a little bit more light into my work. Do you find me redundant? I am hoping the projects I have in mind for the near future will help infuse some new energy into my creations. Douglas and I have been stuck in a bit of a rut as he enters the last few weeks of his courses and I try to play catch-up after the recent series of school closings. I think it is time for an adventure. What do you say?

bucket list.

As promised, here is the list that I came up with of things that I believe are a part of the life I dream of having, a combination of childhood aims and recent fantasies. I can happily say that some of the items are already checked off. 

☐ 1. go on a (successful) whale watch
☐ 2. run a 10k race
 3. find my soulmate 
☐ 4. see Carmen at the opera
☐ 5. learn French
☐ 6. apply to a PhD program
☐ 7. take a surfing lesson
☐ 8. donate blood
 9. earn an ivy league degree
☐ 10. give birth to a child

☐ 11. organize an environmental event

☐ 12. get published

☐ 13. spend a night in Paris with Douglas

☐ 14. see the aurora borealis

☐ 15. roast a delicious duck

☐ 16. perform at an open mic night

 17. graduate with honors

☐ 18. learn to ice skate backwards 

☐ 19. crochet a blanket

 20. study abroad

☐ 21. memorize a sonnet

☐ 22. build a greenhouse 

☐ 23. learn a Latin dance

 24. join a sorority

☐ 25. own a barn

☐ 26. see the seven wonders of the modern world

☐ 27. take a painting class

☐ 28. raise chickens

 29. start a blog

☐ 30. gain a sponsor for my blog

☐ 31. learn a full song on guitar
 32. become a teacher
 33. backpack across Europe

☐ 34. attempt homeschooling 

☐ 35. learn to sail

I thought this was a fun experiment. It is easy to see the things that I truly value when all of my little goals are laid out before me... education, travel, writing, attempting to find my own way of giving back... it is all very exciting. I am already in the process of planning my first attack on this list (and accomplishing a bit more than a million loads of clean laundry and piles of graded term papers this month). Wish me luck.

priorities.

This evening I helped a student prepare a debate assignment for her history class tomorrow. The task was to determine the area that she believes most warrants the government's immediate attention and to argue in support of her choice. We read a collection of New York Times editorials supporting myriad topics and selected the one we felt most supported her values. The articles advocated for government focus in areas like job creation, healthcare, environmental protection, and Middle Eastern foreign policy. My student believed that the economy deserved to be the government's number one priority. We spent the rest of the night crafting arguments in support of her conclusion.

The assignment of the evening got me thinking about my own life and how I sometimes feel as though I am being pulled in a thousand different directions. I have so many interests, so many goals, so many items on my to-do list, and like so many others, so little time. My father often laments that he is a "jack of all traits, master of none," and that this sorry fact kept him from being truly successful in any one area. I refuse to doom myself to such a fate but find it is so hard to remain focused on what I truly want (or even to know what I truly want). How can I begin to be a "master" of anything?

So what if I had an assignment of my own - an argument in defense of what area of my life deserves first priority and immediate attention - what would I choose? If I consider what is most important in my life, my loved ones are the first things I think of. I treasure my relationships with Douglas, with my family, with close friends... I would not trade them for the world and they are always at the forefront of my mind. But then I hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me that, while relationships are important and deserve my love and attention, I have a tendency to put other's needs before my own and to build my whole life around these relationships. Maybe my focus should be on me and what I want for my own life.

Okay. So, what do I want? If you have been reading this blog for long enough, you know that the answer to that question is everything. I cannot tell you how many times (see: here, or here, or here) I have posted about not having enough time to complete my daily tasks, let alone fulfill my heart's desires. One of the gripes I hear most from people is the never-ending cycle of multitasking that leaves them wiped out every day; the constant list of things to do that get in the way of the meaningful life pursuits. My heart cries out with the same troubles. I am constantly pursuing short term goals and rarely feel like my big-time dreams (a home and family, continued education, a successful writing career) are any closer to becoming a reality. I check off 6,573 items on my to-do list every week - homework, bills, errands, tutoring - but the dreams always linger in the background, somewhere off in the distance just out of reach. I did everything I needed to do to get to point A (a good education, a steady job I enjoy) but now I am ready for point B and I haven't the slightest clue how to get there. So, what is the solution? I need a really good kick in the tush (any takers?).

Tomorrow I am going to post a bucket list, a list of items that I believe absolutely must play a part in the short time I am given on this planet. Lucky for me, I can already check a few of these tasks off my lifelong to-do list (why is it so hard to be satisfied with that?) but my hope is that making this list public will give me that extra push to tenaciously seek what I am after. I want to die with a smile on my face knowing that I pursued all of my passions; I guess it is time to figure out what all of those passions are. Encouragement, collaboration, and financial donations (just kidding) are welcome. Here I go.

What will you prioritize tomorrow?

on the eleventh hour.

of the eleventh day of the eleventh month...
I am thankful. Thankful that the Great War finally came to a halt. Thankful that my great-grandfather survived that war and was able to continue on the family that eventually gave me life. Thankful for all the men and women who have given their lives so that others could continue to live theirs in safety and freedom...

I am not someone who supports war in any shape or form, but I am extremely thankful for the service of the brave individuals who sacrifice their youth, time with loved ones, safety, and quite possibly their lives, to protect the citizens of this country and the world at large. Thank you and God bless you. Happy Veterans Day.

glimpses.

 

  

 

 

There are many things to do when school is canceled, such as:

plan on baking cookies (but eat the majority of the dough before you get them in the oven).

work on a jigsaw puzzle (but quit after you complete the outside border).

make popcorn and watch a movie (but finish the bowl before you get through the opening credits).

go to the coffee shop to get work done (but spend the majority of the time on Pinterest).

go to an international market to buy tamales (but get distracted by the stinky fish).

take pictures of yourself (way, way, way, way, way too many of them).

At least, that's what I would do.

morning pleasantries.

Ah, yes, the morning. A time for dreaming, planning, and savoring every bite of my delicious breakfast, which is quickly becoming my favorite meal of the day... To be honest I have been quite disconnected from my early morning routine over the past week and a half, and that is mostly because I have failed to see early morning in the first place. With late nights of lesson planning, snacking, and watching guilty-pleasure shows on television, I have fallen into Douglas's naughty little tendency to stay up into the wee hours of the night and sleep in while everyone else hurries about. Though I admittedly spent most of my life coveting every moment in bed, curled up under covers and hitting the snooze button every fifteen minutes, my adult self now considers herself a morning person and am therefore slightly regretting my delinquent circadian habits of this past week.

Lack of power has led to impromptu photo shoots for entertainment purposes. As you can see, this little lady is an absolute ball of sunshine before she finishes her morning cup of coffee. Actually, I am usually quite energetic and bubbly once I am up and out of bed, but recent chaotic schedules have thrown off my mood, eating habits, exercise regime, and all those other wonderful things that help keep us stable and smiling. Tomorrow I head back to work, yes, bright and early. I cannot wait - 6:00 AM, here I come!

sleepy sunday.

It is almost without fail that I find myself completely exhausted on a Sunday afternoon. Today is no different, but I am scratching my head as to what has me feeling so tired this evening. Trip to the market. Laundry. Cooking. Composing the world's most beautiful PowerPoint presentations. Just life, I guess. Shrug.

We received word tonight that my school will not be reopening until Wednesday at the earliest. Teachers have been asked to come to work on Tuesday to prepare for the return to classes, so I have one more day to get my lesson plans in order and pray that all of my students and their families are safe and sound. Contradictory being that I am, I find the free spirit within me longing for more days to myself, to experiment with cooking, to explore the world, to continue laughing and cuddling with the man of my dreams (cough, cough - even if a certain computer programming assignment has him a bit edgier than usual - cough, cough. Love you, honey!) but the creature of habit that dukes it out with the free spirit on a regular basis has me itching to get back to my routine, back to my classroom and my students, back to begrudgingly dragging myself to the gym (just kidding, I LOVE dragging myself to the gym). 

So, tomorrow I will part ways with my Douglas and head back to my apartment, which should be fully-functioning by now. I will cross my fingers that everyone I hold near and dear (and even those I do not) are getting back to their normal routines as well, at least as best they can. If anyone in Bergen County needs me to bring back any food, clothing, or supplies, please know I am happy to oblige. Take care, everyone.

trick or treat.

I have been talking Halloween up for quite some time now and I am sorry to say that Sandy stole most of my thunder. The festivities ended, in the famous words of t.s. eliot, not with a bang but a whimper. That is not to say, however, that I did not sneak a little bit of fun in amidst the power-outage fiasco. This All Hallow's Eve was spent recharging at La Casa del Padre, scarfing down a few Reese's peanut butter cups while I passed out candy to the trick-or-treaters in my hometown, and failing miserably at a local trivia competition with family and friends (I still hold firm to my belief that all the other teams were cheating). It was a brief holiday, hurriedly celebrated between doing homework and laundry and braving gasoline lines, but I still squeezed it in and I am actually pretty satisfied with the results, meager though they may be. Was anyone else able to steal away for some Halloween fun amidst this weather-induced catastrophe? I hope so. Until next year... boo!

i am alive!

I am sure that my East Coast readers know all too well the recent havoc wreaked by Hurricane Sandy. I am happy and extremely thankful to say that my family was spared from most of the damage, but I find myself without power, and posting will probably be sporadic until my electricity and internet are restored. Douglas and I stayed indoors and enjoyed some homemade meals and one-too-many freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies during the storm. The winds were frightening at times, but we made it through without much rain and with no flooding, unlike with Irene. The property fared well and other than a few knocked down branches on the lawn, we survived everything in one piece. I cannot say the same for my friends in Hoboken, New York City, or the Jersey coastline. I was lucky to have moved out of the area when I did, but my heart goes out to those whose lives have been severely affected by Sandy.

School has been closed all week due to power outages, so between taking care of my freezing cold, dark apartment and stealing hot meals and electricity at my father’s house, I have been trying to catch up on some lesson planning so I am ready to go when classes are in session once again.  The last word I received was that power would be back up by November 12^th but I am hoping that is a gross overestimate. We shall see. For now, I am bundled up with my Douglas trying to get as much done with the resources I have available. I will try to get on here for some posts as often as I am able. I appreciate you sticking with me during this tumultuous time!