public radio is for rock stars.

This past week was quite a challenge for me. I suppose that is not a very surprising statement; every day is a challenge in its own way, but this week hit me particularly hard. Now, I am not complaining - in fact, I love a good challenge - instead, I say this in a very quizzical, perplexed sort of way, because I have no idea how to go about surmounting this particular challenge. Maybe you can help...

I am currently student teaching at a comprehensive, neighborhood high school in West Philadelphia. If you do not know anything about the Philadelphia School District, let me give you a backdrop: the Philadelphia Public School system is generally divided into three types of schools: charter schools, magnet schools, and neighborhood schools. The charter schools are loosely bound by the restrictions of the state and provide "alternative" education, where faculty and staff often use nontraditional, state-of-the-art teaching practices and methods in attempt to revolutionize education within a struggling district. Unfortunately, these schools only have the means to provide for so many students, so entrance restrictions are set and students are often selected out of a lottery system. Magnet schools are schools that "draw" students out of their natural school designation zones. These schools are generally reserved for students who achieve high academically (both in class and on the state standardized exam) and have no behavioral issues. What you are left with are neighborhood schools, which are the local schools to which a student would normally be assigned based on residence. These schools are filled with the students who did not qualify academically and behaviorally to be pulled out, or were not "lucky" enough to win the lottery.

Sayre High School, where I work, is a neighborhood school. It currently serves a student population that is 99% African American, the vast majority of whom live under the poverty line. The dropout rate is exorbitantly high, more than 50%, where the national average currently teeters around 16%. Inside of the school, the heating system is out of whack, the water is undrinkable and the hallways reek of the garbage that is strewn all along the floor. This is not any place that you would want to send your child to for school. At Penn, we are focusing on how we as educators might help bring about social justice, a cause for which my heart has become impassioned. I must say, however, that the what and why come much easier to me than the how, which is where my dilemma arises.

I love my students, I really do, and we generally have a ball together. But as of late, I have realized that while we may be having fun, I am not sure how much learning is going on within the classroom. I am presenting the necessary material, but I do not believe it is being absorbed. I am in the unique position of being the instructor of a Civics course (I typically teach history), a class where I think this "social justice" idea can really be hit home. Up to date, however, I feel like I am failing miserably. While my students seem to like me as a person and as a teacher, they do not appear to be buying my idea that they can bring about change in their own lives and communities.

My overall goal for the course is to show students how education is really the tool for success. While it may be easier for someone of a higher socioeconomic status to "blow off" his/her education, that high school diploma (and hopefully college degree!) can make a world of difference to someone in my students' position. I have tried the "learning for learning's sake" approach and, at least for the moment, they do not seem to agree, which has been very hard for me to understand. I am an information junkie! Anyone who knows me well will quickly be able to describe my unending affection for trivia. I love words, I love facts, I love to learn... I love school, and I try to show this with energy and enthusiasm every time I walk into Classroom 230. I have shared with my students my obsession with Merriam-Webster.com and National Public Radio, only to be met with laughs. I have tried to argue how cool it is to be smart but they readily disagree. So, what do I do? Clearly my approach is all wrong. How do I teach my students that not only is education itself absolutely essential, but also fun, interesting and exciting? How can I create that voracious, insatiable appetite for learning, not just as a tool for success but for its own sake? This is the challenge I spoke of, and one that I have no idea how to conquer. Any advice would be much appreciated; thank you kindly in advance!

Back in Black

Well, maybe not actually in black, but I am back. In fact, today I am rather colorful, adorned in my rainbow-print Hurley thermal and a pair of warm, purple leggings that probably aren't appropriate to wear to work but, hey, it was cold this morning. Today is one of those days that you do not want to take your pajamas off, hence my decision to remain quite cozy and toasty with them on. The weather has quite rapidly turned bleak and, though thankful for the conclusion of those eerie, 70-degree November days, I am continually underprepared for the cold climate, even after two years of living in New England.

As I mentioned below, my dear, I am sorry for the brief hiatus in my writing. I do not mean to deprive you of my nonsensical ramblings, which I know you constantly look forward to. (Ha!) But in all seriousness, I have missed you. As pathetic as this is going to sound, I have come to depend on you, on this bizarre, unilateral relationship we have. In truth: I love you. I love that I can tell you anything and everything, without fear of judgment. I love that I can pour out my emotions and frustrations and longings, knowing that there is some human entity who cares. You give me the freedom to express myself and believe that my voice does not go unheard and, for that, I see us as one.

An excerpt from Pablo Neruda's "Sonnet XVII" has been hovering round my head for days now. As an aficionada of Neruda's work, and poetry in general, I felt compelled to share it with you. Personally, I think the poem is more beautifully read in Spanish but, for the linguistically challenged, the English version is also quite lovely:

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
But this, in which there is no I or you,
So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
So intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close."

How clearly Neruda articulates the unity that I so desire. His words resound in my mind, the connection between two lovers separated by flesh, space, time... This is the reason that I am so happy to be able to write again. Words hold immeasurable meaning for me, the bridge between two isolated minds, the way our thoughts are able to penetrate the infinite spaces between us. At long last, after several tempestuous weeks of graduate work and a never-ending cycle of caffeine highs and withdrawals, my studies have entered a temporary period of quiescence and I can finally pick up where I left off on this exploratory journey. The weeks to come will be filled with photographs and art and expression and all of the things my heart has been earnestly and vainly craving for all too long. Thank you for your patience. I look forward to continuing this love affair we have and the remembrance that I am never, ever alone. And please, never forget: neither are you.