a grateful heart.

Sometimes, there are those days when all I want to do is sit there and feel sorry for myself.  Maybe I did not get something I "deserve"; maybe I am focused on all the things I am not but want to be, or am and wish I weren't.  I would be a terrible liar if I said there are not times when I indulge myself in a little bit of self-pity.  We humans really know how to whine, do we not?  In a misguided world that tells us we need to be thinner, richer, sexier, smarter, better before we can be happy, it is easy to get caught up in the disappointment of our lives and our selves.  I am as guilty as the next.  That is why I feel it is so important to take time to remember how fortunate I truly am, to practice gratitude.  There are many things that I do not have and many things that I am not, but the list of deficiencies does not even compare to the overwhelming number of wonderful blessings that have graced my life.

So, tonight, I am thankful for you, Mother.  I am thankful that you demonstrated, incessantly, the value of hard work and perseverance.  Your authenticity and your lack of pretense were always (and always will be) an inspiration to me.  Your ability to reflect, challenge yourself, and grow, is a quality I am so happy to see budding in myself.  When I listen to people talk about you and hear their joy, love, and pride in your memory, I am in complete awe.  I am so grateful for the time we spent together and that I have the privilege of calling myself your daughter.

I am thankful for you, Douglas.  The forgiving, patient love that you provide is utterly nonplussing.  I will never, could never, get over the way you accept me for exactly who I am, despite my innumerable shortcomings.  You excite, delight, amaze, comfort, and challenge me on end.  For someone who has always been skeptical of the idea of "soul mates," I cannot deny the overwhelming sensation that there is so much meaning, so much purpose in the two of us being together.  I am grateful for the man that you are and for the woman that you are inspiring me to be.

I am thankful for you, family, who have never ceased to make me smile.  In defiance of our quirks, our myriad personalities, you stick together and reach out helping hands when needed.  You make me laugh the heartiest, truest laughs I have ever roared, the kind that make your ribs ache and salty streams pour from your eyes.  I know that I, personally, feel continual support and encouragement from my kindred.  I am grateful for the family members that I have, the ones I have lost, and the ones yet to come.

And I am thankful for you, friends, who always willingly listen to my musings and dreams and complaints regardless of my redundant and rambling nature.  You cheer me on when I need it the most and are always there waiting, even when I need to wander off on my own for a little while.  For someone who never really made that core circle of friends in school, I am grateful for the friends I do have, old and new, far and near, who offer their love from all over the globe.

So, despite my ever-dwindling monetary funds, my constant mistakes, my pangs of fear, and my lack of focus, really, I have so much.  To quote the late John Lennon, when you really think about it, "all you need is love," and I guess that means that I am doing just fine.

glimpses.

I apologize for the hazy photo quality, but here is an assortment of iPhone pics I have been accumulating over the past week.  On Saturday, before the concert, Doug and I feasted on Moe's burritos courtesy of my wonderful neighbor, George.  (Sorry, babe, but I couldn't resist posting this one of you chowing down).  We spent the next afternoon in Ocean City, relaxing in the sun, grooving to some tunes, and playing in the sea... I almost got carried away by the waves!  And this past Tuesday, my friend Carolina scored some last minute tickets to the Colbert Report and asked none other than yours truly to join her.  We even got upgraded to the first row :)  How lucky am I?!

I am spending the rest of this week trying to get lesson plans and syllabi in order before I start my three-week workshop in New York.  I will be working with the National Endowment for the Humanities (NEH) in a summer seminar called "Recipe for America;" we - the summer "scholars"- will be examining immigrant culture in New York City through the wonderful medium of food!  I am very excited, although a little nervous about giving up three weeks of my precious summer.  I am hoping the experience will be fun, educational, and rewarding.  This weekend I am off to the shore with my friend, Danielle, for a little bit of relaxation before I go head-first into the nine-to-five schedule of the workshop.  Deep breaths.

ten things: that rock my summer.

So, as promised (I know you were waiting patiently) here is a little collection of songs that Doug and I have been playing throughout this wonderful summer... songs that I hope will help us to remember the great times we have had and get excited for the ones to come.  Other than the usual indie folk/indie rock fix, I have been enjoying music with a little soul/rhythm & blues twist.  What are you listening to this summer?

1. "Flowers in Your Hair," The Lumineers
2. "Circuital," My Morning Jacket
3. "Valerie," Amy Winehouse
4. "Old Old Fashioned," Frightened Rabbits
5. "Salina," The Avett Brothers
6. "Ho Hey," The Lumineers
7. "She Came in through the Bathroom Window," Joe Cocker
8. "Holdin on to Black Metal," My Morning Jacket
9. "Wonderwall," Ryan Adams
10. "You Are the Best Thing," Ray LaMontagne

sweet, sweet music.

This weekend, Doug and I went to the Xponential Music Festival held by UPenn's WXPN, featuring Dr. Dog, the Avett Brothers, and Wilco.  It was a great show and I have still yet to come down from the little music high I am on.  The Avett Brothers are one of our favorite bands; we saw them together for the first time back in September.  They are really just a bunch of crazy rednecks who love music and have enough creativity and versatility to write songs that not only make you smile, but make you think, and sometimes just make you rock out.  The highlight of the show (for me at least) was when the Avett Brothers broke into their own rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird" in the middle of their song "Kick Drum Heart."  I mean, really??  It was awesome!

Music is integral to both of our lives, and it is something that Doug and I connected on very early.  In fact, discussions about music are really what helped us to first get to know each other and develop our relationship.  I remember telling him when we first started talking that, given the choice, I would rather go blind than deaf because I could not even imagine the agony of living a life without music.  I actually ended up with profound hearing loss in my right ear as a result of a bad infection when I was a little girl; I think that has made me all the more aware of how precious the experience of music actually is.  Doug is much better than I at tinkering around with his guitar, and probably at realizing his musical dreams in general, but both of us like to joke about our own little band that exists somewhere in the future :) Maybe some day.  I have a brand new tambourine that Doug gave me for my birthday and it is calling my name...

The two of us have tickets to see what is sure to be an amazing show in August: Band of Horses with My Morning Jacket in Maryland, right before we head off to Oregon for our much-anticipated camping trip.  Doug and I are already talking about how excited we are; we cannot wait.  We just purchased the album "Circuital" and are really enjoying it, along with some other new tunes that we seem to play on constant rotation.  I will have to post a little playlist so you can see the soundtrack that has been moving our summer along.  What music moves you?

oh, Boston, you're my home.

Okay, so maybe Boston is not my home any longer, but "Dirty Water" (by The Standells) came into my head as I sit here drinking this coffee and reflecting on our recent trip to New England.  Every year, I have to make at least two trips up to Massachusetts to visit dear friends and family and to get my annual fix of the New England air.  This year, I have been lucky enough to have Douglas in tow for both my winter and summer trips up north.  In the winter, we got a chance to dance on my favorite beach, show off our impressive knowledge of useless information, and walk around the Museum of Science.  This trip, we had a little bit more time and got to see a few more people and places.  I was definitely satisfied with our little northern excursion and am already dreaming about the next one.

We left on Saturday night when Doug finished up with work; I did the driving since Doug had been up since early that morning and lucky little me got to sleep in a bit.  We spent the six hour trek grooving out to the new album from The Lumineers and devouring over half the road-trip goodies we packed (of course the cheese and chocolate disappeared well before the apples and baby carrots).  Saturday night was spent catching up with my lovely cousin, Emily, and her husband, meeting their overly-friendly puppy, Lexi, and checking out what might become a new-favorite show, Discovery Channel's "Alaska: the Last Frontier."

Sunday was spent with my dear friend, Kimberley, and her husband, Aaron.  We enjoyed a nice nature walk and trip to Winnekenni Castle, a delicious steak tip dinner whipped up by master chef Aaron, and won a competitive game of Trivial Pursuit (for the second time! muahahaha).  It was hard to leave them - such a fun, caring couple.  Kimberley is one of the few friends I have who I really feel absolutely "gets" me, and loves and accepts me for exactly who I am.  One of the hardest parts about moving out of New England was having to give up our almost ritualistic conversations over hot cups of tea.  It was definitely fate that we ended up experiencing one of the worst years of our lives together :)

Doug and I ventured south on Monday to float around Boston and enjoy a few hours at the Museum of Fine Arts.  We toured a few of the collections and enjoyed a delicious lunch of salad, cheese and charcuterie (yum!) at the museum café.  After we got our fill of art (or, better put, after our parking meter expired) we headed out of the city to meet up with another dear friend, Carolina.  The three of us met up with her roommate and my brother, Ryan, for a night of trivia and drinking.  Regrettably, we did not win, but it was still a fun-filled evening.  Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I cannot resist competition and a chance to put my know-it-all attitude on display.  Carolina and I were part of the infamous "Pink Rangers" team that dominated trivia night at our beloved Gullifty's every Thursday night in college.  Okay, so maybe we only won a handful of times, but I love trivia games anyway.  Good times.

We finished off our vacation with a trip to Benson's Homemade Ice Cream in Boxford (you may remember them from here).   It would not be a proper summer without a scoop from Benson's.  I enjoyed a delicious cup of native red raspberry and Doug had a hefty serving of their creamy coconut; I tried to warn him of their colossal sizes, but he wouldn't listen.  All in all it was a crazy, whirlwind trip, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  For now, though, I am tired.  Douglas is working for the rest of the week and I am attempting to check a few items off the list before our busy weekend of fun begins.  Reading, blogging, errands... there is always so much to do; good thing I am a workhorse!  We are squeezing in as much fun as we can this weekend because as of next week this nose is back to the grindstone; I have only one week of "freedom" to get as many lesson plans done as I can before my three-week workshop begins at the New York Public Library.  Here we go!

at the seashore.

So, this post is a little overdue, but I have been running around like a lunatic (in a good way) and I am just finally settling down with my long-lost laptop and a generous glass of red wine while Doug tinkers around with his guitar.  He and I have been all over creation in the last couple weeks... okay, maybe that is a slight exaggeration but it sure feels that way.  We got back late last night from a wonderful trip to Boston (which you will hear about soon, I promise).  In the week and a half that has flown by since my birthday, this twenty-seven-year-old lady has been on a cleaning rampage, gone to four lectures, visited a bunch of friends and family members in New England (whom I miss already), and taken a much-needed day at the beach with two of my very favorite people... which brings me to my post :)

Last Wednesday, I took James and Sara, two of my younger siblings, to the shore for the day.  We left a little later than scheduled but it ended up being the perfect beach day - not a lick of traffic on the way down, no trouble finding parking, and not a cloud in the sky.  We decided to try out Sea Girt on the recommendation of a friend, since none of us had ever been there before.  What a good call!  The beaches were clean, the crowds were small, and the water was so refreshing.  We spent the day pulling some sweet moves in the ocean, chowing down on seafood, and roasting our poor pink flesh - on accident, I swear - we wore waterproof, SPF 50 sunblock, reapplied, and still got burnt!

I really love the beach; it's so nice to sit with a good book, the warm sun and cool breeze dancing over your skin - it's hard to beat that.  I'm so glad that I was able to work a few trips to the seashore into this hectic summer schedule of mine.  In fact, Doug and I are planning on going this weekend, weather permitting.  We may go to Cape May because I have never been there either.  Where's your favorite beach?

happy birthday to me.

Ah, yes, another successful journey around the sun.  Here I am, twenty-seven years of age; another year older and another year wiser (or so I like to think).  It was a wonderful day.  I have such amazing friends and family; I must be the luckiest girl in the world!

Doug and I kicked off the birthday celebration with a very special/romantic/elegant brunch at the Elysian Cafe in Hoboken for some scrumptious food.  We stuffed ourselves silly with coffee, irish oatmeal, and eggs all while watching the little birds scrounge for food and enjoying the cool breeze that whisked by.  I felt like I was in Paris again!  After breakfast we headed into the city for a day of walking, wandering, and exploring.  We enjoyed a somewhat-rushed but nonetheless enjoyable tour of the Museum of Modern Art, scarfed down a couple hotdogs, and relaxed in Central Park.  For dinner, we ventured to the West Village to enjoy some tapas and sangría at Las Ramblas.  I still cannot get over how charming it is to simply sit and enjoy good food, good wine, and good conversation with someone you love; I could not ask for much more in life.  Doug and I devoured five small plates of quail egg and duck chorizo, grilled octopus, fried calamari, prawns, and - of course - queso (cheese)!!  ¡Qué delicia!  It was simply mouth-watering.  Though our budget cannot afford such indulgences on a regular basis, I will certainly be dreaming of our next edible adventure.

Today, my actual birthday, was much less adventurous but equally as pleasant.  Douglas and I began our morning with mediterranean omelets, ala Chef Jenna Leigh, and enjoyed a comforting sermon about life after death; the pastor mentioned my mother's name and it was a really nice way to start off the day.  We went for a jog in the park, enjoyed a few beverages with my neighbors, and scarfed down a delicious dinner cooked for us by my lovely sister, Sara.  After what is always entertaining conversation at my dad's house, we (half the Wilson family plus Doug) took our traditional trip to Take-A-Break in Tuxedo for my birthday treat: a soft-serve vanilla cone with chocolate sprinkles (always!).  It was such great day and I am so blessed to have such caring, loving people in my life.  So far this summer has been everything I could have hoped for.  I cannot wait to find out what the next few weeks bring and what sort of joy and adventure I will meet in the next year of my life.  Thank you for being here with me for the last 365 days; I hope you will keep coming back so we can share many, many more.

city streets and saints.

What can I say about Washington, D.C.?  It is a beautiful, clean, well-organized city that reminded me a bit of my visit to Brussels three years ago.  The District hides its blemishes and "undesirables" very well.  They are there, believe me, but the poverty and helplessness are hidden behind a façade of order, history, and majesty.  I arrived on Thursday night on a rolling cloud of thunder.  The winds were so violent I actually thought that I might get swept away in a tornado.  Power lines were down, torrents of rain crashed down onto the earth, and I witnessed a tree falling down onto a car ahead of me on the highway - what a welcoming!

Other than registration and a few brief meetings, I was able to spend most of my first two days in D.C. soaking up the city.  I enjoyed a little walking tour of my own design, popped into the National Gallery and the Portrait Museum.  I love museums, but art museums most of all... they make me long for free time to sketch and take painting lessons.  In the National Gallery, one image held my attention and admiration longer than the rest: "The Baptism of Christ"by an artist known only as "the Master of the Saint Bartholomew Altar".  I was specifically drawn to a figure in the top left corner of the painting, adorned in a crown of gold and holding a bladed wheel.  This woman - anonymous to me at the time - captivated me, she just seemed so beautiful.  Part of the larger audience at the baptismal scene, she is not the focal point of the panel and she is not exceptional among other human figures in 15th century German art, but for some reason I found her fascinating.  She appeared gentle and elegant, kind and graceful.  Perhaps it was the alluring shimmer of light above her, perhaps she reminded me of the gentle, patient caregiver that I long to be, but for a brief moment she stole my heart.

Of course, everything is clearer in hindsight.  After doing a bit of research, I discovered that this woman was the image of Saint Katherine, my mother's namesake.  I do not hold much credence in the stories of saints but I always find them entertaining, and I would be a liar if I said I do not get a feeling of comforting, bittersweet warmth when anything reminds me of my mother.  It was a nice experience and I am sure I will hold onto it for quite some time.  I look forward to going to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston with Doug next week so that I can yet again be touched and melted by something lovely.

washington, d.c.

So, I have lots of things to say about my trip to D.C. but so little time to throw everything together.  My week at the Representative Assembly was grueling, but also rewarding.  Despite the long, hot days at the convention, I was able to steal away a little bit of time for meaningful conversation and quality time with my friend and, of course, a day or two of playing the tourist.  Unfortunately, I was not able to get hooked up to my beloved internet during the trip, so now I have to do a little bit of catch-up.  Please bear with me - I am also trying to get everything ready to go for the exciting birthday weekend I have planned!  More to come, I promise...

serendipity.

I have discovered throughout the course of my life that little coincidences and miracles happen all the time.  Maybe they go unnoticed by others or maybe people just rarely share these secret little experiences, but I have them all the time.  I will be searching for something in my heart and then one day the answer just appears.  I will be craving a song and it will be the first thing that comes on when I turn on the radio.  I remember one day I was feeling a bit down on myself when I noticed that embroidered on the waistband of my jeans were the words "you are beautiful."  If you remember my post from the other day, I was recently pondering the idea of individualism and how others perceive its value in our society.  While I was reading at the convention the other day, I noticed this passage, and I just thought I would take a moment to share it with you.

"I don't know how it will be in the years to come.  There are monstrous changes taking place in the world, forces shaping a future whose face we do not know.  Some of these forces seem evil to us, perhaps not in themselves but because their tendency is to eliminate other things we hold good.  It is true that two men can lift a bigger stone than one man.  A group can build automobiles quicker and better than one man, and bread from a factory is cheaper and more uniform.  When our food and clothing and housing are all born in the complication of mass production, mass method is bound to get our thinking and to eliminate all other thinking.  In our time mass or collective production has entered our economics, our politics, and even our religion, so that some nations have substituted the idea collective for the idea God.  This in my time is the danger.  There is great tension in the world, tension toward a breaking point, and men are unhappy and confused.  At such a time it seems natural and good to me to ask myself these questions.  What do I believe in?  What must I fight for and what must I fight  against?
Our species is the only creative species, and it has only one creative instrument, the individual mind and spirit of a man.  Nothing was ever created by two men.  There are no good collaborations, whether in music, in art, in poetry, in mathematics, in philosophy.  Once the miracle of creation has taken place, the group can build and extend it, but the group never invents anything.  The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a man.
And now the forces marshaled around the concept of the group have declared a war of extermination on that preciousness, the mind of man.  By disparagement, by starvation, by repressions, forced direction, and the stunning hammerblows of conditioning, the free, roving mind is being pursued, roped, blunted, drugged.  It is a sad suicidal course our species seems to have taken.
And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world.  And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected.  And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.  This is what I am and what I am about.  I can understand why a system built on a pattern must try to destroy the free mind, for that is one thing which can by inspection destroy such a system.  Surely I can understand this, and I hate it and I will fight against it to preserve the one thing that separates us from the uncreative beasts.  If the glory can be killed, we are lost."

- John Steinbeck, East of Eden