growing pains.

As a teacher, I have been exposed to a lot of discourse on the issues of bullying and harassment, especially in the last few years.  With the prevalence of technology in our society and all the benefits that come with it, we are witnessing the creation of new mediums for social interaction, both good and bad; cyberbullying and other forms of torment have become hot topics in the media.  Programs like the Bully Project and MTV's "It Gets Better" initiative are becoming commonplace amidst stories of teenage suicide and other tragedies.  What I am starting to wonder is: does it really get better?

I remember wishing and hoping as I sat in my guidance counselor's office eating lunch every day in high school that it would.  I hated high school and crossed every day off as one day closer to freedom, to a life without the drama, gossip, and backstabbing.  What I am finding in my adult life, however, is that the drama never really ends.  I have been so disappointed to find that many of the teachers in the various schools I have worked in choose to act just like their adolescent students - talking behind others' backs, judging books by their covers.  It's heartbreaking, really.  You cannot even get away with being the quiet girl who keeps to herself - it's somehow warped and mistaken for "arrogance," which becomes fodder for coffee room whispers. I try so hard not to get caught up in what others think, to be true to myself, and to keep my head held high... but lately, I've been a bit weary.  People are relentless.  How can we expect our children to treat each other with warmth and respect if we cannot even allow each other to live in peace?  Maybe it doesn't get better, maybe our skin just gets thicker.  I don't know.

My beloved grandmother frequently reminded me of Bette Davis's quote that "getting old isn't for sissies."    Boy, was she right.

and many more.

Today is a day for celebration; fifty years ago, my wonderful mother was brought into this world.  While she may no longer be here to experience the festivities, I still find it to be a joyous occasion.  Today, my strong, stubborn, loving grandmother gave birth to my strong, stubborn, loving mother, and I stand here today a strong, stubborn, loving young lady because of this marvelous happening.  I am feeling particularly proud, this afternoon, knowing that I come from a long line of courageous, determined women who sacrificed much to see their families thrive.  We often spend so much of our energy trying not to be like our parents, that I think we forget how blessed we are that it happens.  Because of my mother, I have a strong sense of what I believe to be right and wrong; I will never quench my thirst for knowledge and understanding; I value hard work and have learned to appreciate getting my hands dirty; and though I break down and cry more frequently than I would like to admit, I have the resilience to get back up and try again.

Being my mother's birthday, today also marks the third anniversary of this blog.  For those of you who may be just joining, I created this blog shortly after my mother passed away from complications related to breast cancer.  Its purpose was to encourage myself to celebrate life, to cherish every moment, and to experience as much as possible in the short time that I am given... oh yes, and to let you in on that experience, too.  I hope you are enjoying this tiny peak into my own little world and will continue to follow me on this existential journey.  I am so thankful you are here with me.

Happy birthday, Mumma.

I (we) love you.

our little life.

I'm so happy with us.

(what a lucky me!)

in pursuit of trivia.

This Saturday, Doug and I were invited to play a few rounds of our favorite board game, Trivial Pursuit, over wine and cheese... really, if you just say "cheese," Doug and I are there.  Several hours later, we had fully enjoyed an evening of delicious dining, drinking, and drama (mostly the good kind).  It was so nice to get a little break away from all of the work we have to do.  Six glasses of wine is a bit much for this girl, though (hiccup!) Oh well, cheers!

don't take my sunshine away.

The challenge for February 9th was to capture the sun.  Today, that proved to be especially challenging because it was overcast.  My substitution is the radiating sun of this beautiful wood etching my beloved sister did for me as a belated holiday gift; isn't it lovely?  (In case you were not aware, roosters are amongst my myriad favorite things.)  Today I will have to go without any true sunshine.  Instead, I sit at my desk bundled up in thermals, blankets, and my much-cherished wicked good moccasins (ala l.l.bean) as chunky flakes of snow fall from the sky.  Usually I delight at the sight of snow and the possibility of hot mugs of cocoa and - gasp - snow days!! This evening I am sick, however, and the thought of shoveling off a car in the bitter cold tomorrow morning is not helping to soothe the chills that have my teeth rattling or to un-stuff my packed sinuses.  It will be an early night tonight, hopefully rife with sweet dreams of sandy beaches and warm sunshine.
zzzzzzzzzz

10 a.m.

My Sunday morning began with cuddles, large mugs of coffee and a plate full of crêpes.  How about yours?  Today's photo mission was a photograph of my "10 a.m."  Here is my best capture:

Lazy mornings in Hoboken, filled with love, giggles, and delicious homemade treats (probably more than I need!) are always among my most treasured times... but they are becoming, especially lately, more and more bittersweet.  I just about fall apart every Sunday evening when it is time for either Doug or me to make the long trek back "home" and leave the other one behind.  When did I get so needy?  I have everything I could possibly need at the moment - someone who loves me, a great job that I enjoy, food on my plate and a roof over my head... but for some reason, I feel so unsatisfied every time one of us has to leave.  I have such an overwhelming appetite for all of the good things (and oh! they are so good) that the everyday things feel so dull and drab... stifling almost, an inconvenience.  Oh well... who isn't surprised?  The restlessness inside me has become so predictable I feel like you know what I am going to say even before I start typing :)  Get ready for another bustling week of routine activity.
Sunday, until we meet again...