dream on.

Do you ever just feel so completely overwhelmed with ideas and/or desires that you think your brain might be headed for a meltdown at any moment? Yeah, that is me. One major goal in my life is to learn to live a bit simpler. In a world that says go!go!go! and advocates convenience over quality, I am constantly reminding myself to take deep breaths and remember what is important. I will NOT eat that Kraft macaroni and cheese simply because it is easy. I will NOT buy that poorly-made, mass-produced piece of junk simply because it is cheap.  Local, organic, environmentally-responsible food is a priority to me, and I make room for it in my budget above other things because I value what I put into my body. I will not compromise on the things I feed myself or my loved ones, even if that means I go without other things I might want. For some reason, when it comes to spending money, I have no problems setting priorities and goals... but when I try to apply that same mentality to my own personal dreams and interests my mind seems to malfunction.

American society puts a big emphasis on dreams. I can remember being bombarded with this mantra as a child: dream big. Dare to dream. You can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. Reach for the stars. I bought into it... maybe too much. Doug and I are both big dreamers. We have aspirations for practically every category of our lives. We share many of those "popular" goals with others, i.e. owning a home, having children, but we also have many (many, many) personal dreams.

Doug, for instance, not only aspires to work in the field of computer science, but he would also like to continue to grow as a musician. He's currently learning guitar and I cannot think of very many instruments that he would not like to learn to play. He would like to play in a band again, once his schedule calms down, and to write music. Doug would like to learn to fly airplanes and to have his own workspace where he can tinker and build things. He wants to climb mountains and see the world. All reasonable goals, I suppose.

I, on the other hand, can barely fit all of my dreams into the space between my ears. I want children, more than Douglas wants, and I want to stay home with them. I want to have a small family farm and learn how the soil, and nature, and the seasons work. I'd like to raise sheep, and bees, too! I want to learn the piano and write folk songs and poetry. I want to CREATE - what, I don't know yet - photography, pottery, watercolors, the perfect banana bread... all things I have yet to learn. I want to perfect my Spanish and my Italian and learn to speak French. I want to know sign language. I want to earn my PhD and teach. I want to take yoga classes and keep my 24" waistline until I'm 70 years old. I want to own my own business and be featured on someone's blog. I dream of owning a sailboat and taking my family along the coastline in the summertime. I want to read books, lots of books, and to be published. I want to sing in a band and to explore exotic places. I want to knit scarves and mittens, make quilts, and spend afternoons at the library before going home to cook dinner for my family.

I know that all of my ambitions are not possible; that I haven't the time or means to do everything it is I dream of doing. Life is short, and success is about prioritizing. What I really want is a simple life, full of love, doing the things I am meant to do. But what am I meant to do?! When I think about settling down on the things I really want to do, I draw a blank. Other than starting a family, I am not driven to do one thing more than another - I want it all! So how does one go about finding one's true passions? How does one discover one's talents when there are so many things to try and so little time to try them? Where does one start?

Today's photo challenge was "hope." I decided to snap a picture of my sneakers, because tonight, as I trudge to the gym, they are my vehicle of hope... hope that I will reach my goals. Hope that I will find peace of mind in the path that I choose - hope I will even know what path that is. Hope that I can burn off the brownies they so cruelly served at today's faculty meeting. Here's hoping!